Grrr.

So, here's the thing. I don't see my family that often. Christmas, thanksgiving, basically the holidays that involve lots of food, occassional other trips through the year but not often. When there isn't a holiday to work around, we don't really know what to do with each other if I visit. AND YET, every time I've seen them for the past two or three years? They've remarked on how "fat I'm getting."

Okay, you know what? I know I'm overweight. I'm 180 on a 160 frame, I know quite well that I've got a heed's worth of extra flesh up in here. This ain't no surprise. It's even LESS of a surprise since I've been carrying this weight for THREE YEARS. I don't slim down right after new years and suddenly gain it all back for family gatherings -- all this ass is staying right where it is. And it's not like my parents aren't both overweight themselves, or everyone in our extended family. We're a family of fat people, okay? The only skinny ones of the lot are TwinSister, who excersizes and counts calories like people with OCD wash their hands, and the seriously extended family Adolfi's wife brought from Pakistan. So this whole PPN putting on 20 lbs in 3 years? Not a damn national crisis. Yet every time I stop in to see my family, be it for an hour or a week, my weight is brought up. Not "are you happy, PPN." Not, "how's that depression working out?" or "what's that you're knitting?" or even "so how is Sweetie doing?" No, just endless repetitions of "Hot damn, that's a big fat ass. You must be somehow unaware of your physical form, so allow me to clue you in -- it's large."

What really pisses me off, though, is how the classifications have changed since I put on weight. Instead of TwinSister and I being "the pretty one" and "the smart one", we're now suddenly "the pretty one" and "the fat one", with people being surprised that I'm getting my goddamn degree this may and going for my masters and doctorate after that. It's like I can see the wheels turning in their heads, 'good thing she's going for her education, 'cause those looks ain't doing a damn thing for her.' It makes me want to punch people. But more than that, it makes me not want to visit home. And that's a damn shame.