We made 5 lbs of kebab, as per FavAunt's instructions, though we did end up cooking it on a George Foreman grill instead of outside on the propane one, and we added 3 tbs of dried spearmint to the mixture (and it was excellent, added just the right flavor to complement the onion-y goodness). We all of us age kebab until we were stuffed, and there were still over 2lbs of leftovers.
There were a number of awesome moments - like when LibraryOverlord saw exactly how much onion was going into this giant mass of meat, and when Mr. Sweetie was talking about 'onion goggles' that keep folks from crying, and I laughed at the very concept... until I was mixing the onion in, crying hardcore. And of course we watched some Frisky Dingo, so that was good times.
And for those of you who want a more cleaned-up recipe, here you go:
5 lbs ground beef (75/25 worked, yours can be leaner if you want)($10?)
2 large onions, pureed ($1-2?)
2 tbs tumeric
2 tbs salt
3 cubes Knorr beef bullion (Knorr bullions are the giant soft rectangles, your amounts may be different with other types)($1)
3 tbs dried spearmint
First, add all your spices and the eggs into the bowl. Add the meat in 1 or 2 pound increments, mixing it all in very well as you go. It will be very, very cold at first, and make you go 'GAH!!!' and not want to mix it, but suck it up. When all your meat is mixed up well, start adding onion in increments of half-onions at a time. You will cry at this point.
When all your ingredients are in the pot, just keep mixing. It gets warmer with time, and easier, and you can form the giant meat-lump into fun shapes, like the MeatBoob, the MeatMountain, the Curiously Phallic MeatLog, and others. When the fat warms up it will spread out and kind of turn the meat lighter in shade - mine was also quite yellow, from the turmeric, but I was fairly certain this was the "turning white" phase my Aunt was talking about. Either way, it was delicious, so just bash the shit out of your meat until you really can't stand to do it any more.
We formed our kebab into 2 1/2" patties and grilled them for 8 minutes, flipping them halfway through to get those attractive grill lines. HOLY CRAP, we lost about a pound of fat off the patties when we grilled them, so you know, you can definitely go for a leaner cut if that's what you're wanting. Maybe toss another egg in there to bind it if you go really super lean?
But yeah, we have kebab aplenty, and I am no longer afraid of cooking with raw meat. This was one of the most fun dishes I've done, and when I make some cucumber sauce tomorrow to go with the leftovers, it's definitely going to hold us for a couple of days. And cheap! Maybe this whole cooking thing is going to work out after all.